I don't know but this is what I feel the whole day today. Something is missing, something is lacking. Until finally, I read this message from one of the social networks, and it says:
"... that when you feel down, look at yourself through God's eyes. There are times when no matter how hard you try, you just cannot accept yourself as you are. During such times, think of how you look to God's eyes. In God's eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance. God sees your light when all that you can see are your shadows. God loves you more than anyone could ever love you as you really are."
After reading it, somehow it lessens the despondent feeling that I have. They say it happens to all and most especially to a single person like me who only wants to love and in return to be loved. Who only wants to have a family that I can call my own but I guess the possibility of having one is far from the reality. I have planned my future of being a single but still hoping to have someone who will be by my side until the last breath I will inhale.
I can easily buy sex but not true love, I can easily buy company but not true friends, I can basically buy anything and everything but I cannot buy the real happiness of having them all and I know it from the depth of my heart.
Someone told me that I will just have to pray fervently and maybe my dream of having someone and a family of my own might come true. I hope it will happen sooner, but if not, I’m still blessed because I have my mom, sister and brother and a friend I can call my own. Most of all I have Him who loves me unconditionally.